Remembering the Mountain

Been really trying to focus on my own spiritual walk, privately, because quite frankly, there have been struggles. There! I said it! :) I know we all struggle from time to time, but I don't like it when I am the one struggling. God can definitely use these struggles to strengthen us and to draw us into closer intimacy with him, it's true. Oh, but don't we always want to feel like we are already right there? Don't we just really want to camp out on the mountain top... forever?

I have a tendency to compare every part of my walk with the Lord with the two years I spent in Bible College, 20 years ago. That really felt like the pinnacle in so many ways. It's probably as close as a person can be to Heaven while still here on earth. Everything seemed to revolve around God or the Bible... classes, conversations, devotions, mealtimes, and even the all-important thought life. It was really life-altering for me, and I wanted to be there forever... wanted to soak in the living, breathing Word of God.

It's not really fair to compare my current life with those days... I was single. I was living with other singles. I had 4 hours of Bible classes 4 (or was it 5?) days a week, a couple of hours of Bible reading every day. I mean I was SATURATED with the Word of God! It was really nice! :) I had few real grown up responsibilities tugging at me. And everyone I talked to seemed to have an encouraging or inspirational word.

Twenty years later, I have two boys and a husband, a house to look after, homeschool classes to prepare and teach, four times (at least) as many clothes to clean, fold and put away, and don't even talk to me about cooking. Time is definitely at a premium. And the inspirational and encouraging words? Those can be hard to come by.

So this is what I'm getting at... I'm really trying to regain the disciplines that I once lived by, and it's hard, because I'm tired and I feel isolated much of the time. Yes, we are involved in gym classes and church and a homeschool co-op, but these things are more for the kids and less for me. And so there is a sense of emptiness at times, and a questioning as to what will really, really count for eternity....